What we have already gone through...

So I wanted to start this blog because there is not much information out there about going through miscarriage, not to mention a miscarriage in the second trimester...the affects it has on people...what we have to go through after a miscarriage...as well as emotions...so that others can be able to say "hey, I feel that way also!"

I want others to be able to relate and share their experiences...everyone's experience is different even if they may have lost their baby at around the same month or week.  When I first went through this, it was hard to find sites talking about this and I did not want to go to a support group in person because I felt like if I went and started talking about my experience, all I would was cry and not be able to completely tell them my story.  I did eventually find a group online, but even then, it is hard to just share your entire journey...

So here I am and anyone who reads this and are going through what I am going through, I would like you to feel free to share by commenting your experience.  I want everyone to know that you are not alone!  Many many people go through miscarriages...not as many second trimester miscarriages...and not many people have to deal with incompetent cervix...so this is why I am sharing...I want those who have gone through a second trimester miscarriage...and have an incomptent cervix and those who need to have cerclages done in order to save the baby...to be able to relate...

So here is my story...

In 2007, we got pregnant and although it was a surprise...we were happy!  We had just decided to start trying that year after being married for 3 years.  When we found out, we were 8 weeks along...yes I forgot my "friend" had not shown up and just started feeling queasy...first thinking it was some food I ate...anyways, went to the doctor to confirm and they had also found something else...a polyp...normally polyps are okay, but I was pregnant and it was keeping my cervix open a little...the doctor told me that it was not anything to worry about...so I did not question it and went about my way...

Weeks went by and a few weeks later went to the doctor again and she wanted us to see a perinatlogist...a high-risk pregnancy specialist...because she was concerned about the polyp affecting the baby...well...of course I got concerned...to tell you the truth...scared!  So went with my husband...apparently the polyp was pretty big and he did not want to do anything with it because if he took it out, it can cause significant problems for me and the baby.  He said that it can be left in and because the polyp was blocking, the baby would be fine! He even told us that we were having a boy!

Well everything was not fine...a week after seeing the perinatologist, we had a miscarriage...one day I started to have something that felt like contractions...I even called the doctor but she said that it was probably round ligament pain...but it went on for a while...that night, my water broke...we went into the emergency room...after hours of waiting...they confirmed that my water broke (although I already knew that my water broke)...and several hours later after them inducing me with meds and hooking me up with pain meds, delivered our son...at 18 1/2 weeks.

At one point after finding out my water broke, the doctor told us that there was a chance to save the baby...and try to get to 24 weeks...she gave us some options and then left the room...however, she came back like 30 min later to tell us that we did not have an option because I had a fever which meant I had an infection.

After this time, went to the doctor (a new one! more on why later) a few times...he explained to us what might have happened...also saw him because of polyps that kept reoccurring as well as infections.

Jumping to 2010, we decided to try again...we got pregnant again in February, but couple weeks later we found out we were losing the baby after a couple of blood tests showed that our hcg levels were dropping...it was a long 2 weeks!

Then in March, before my "friend" even came back, we found out we were pregnant again...I had called our doctor to ask when I should expect my "friend" to return...he said that it should have already and to check to see if I am pregnant.  Found out that I was!  We were so happy!  A little weary about this one but happy!

I went to the doctor to confirm a few weeks later and yes we were pregnant and this time no polyp!  We thought we were good to go!  We were still very cautious and did not want to get too excited...well my husband was cautious but I was excited!  We even waited to tell our family right away but we waited a little bit because we did not want to have to tell them and then have another miscarriage.  After a few weeks we told them!

So with this pregnancy, I probably called the doctor a few hundred times...every time I had a cramp, or something just did not feel right...he even told me that I can come see the baby at anytime I wanted to...everytime I could not sleep because I was worried, he told me to call them and come in!  I was not that crazy, but at I saw the baby at 6 weeks, 8 weeks, and 12 weeks!  My husband even got to see her at our first official checkup.  Every time I saw the baby, she moved around a lot!  There were even times when the doctor was trying to take a picture and she would kick so he would have to try to take the picture again.

Well, at 19 1/2 weeks...on a Friday, I started having contractions...I thought they were cramps...it kept me up but it was very weak and I thought they were ligament pain...but they would come and go...not on a regular basis...so I went back to sleep...well it came back later in the morning so I called the doctor.  The nurse told me it was probably just normal pain and told me to stay home and rest and drink lots of fluids...so I did but early in the afternoon, the pain got worse...I called and went in to the doctor...my doctor was not there that day but the on call doc checked found out that I was 2cm dilated and my water had not broken.  They called the ambulance to transfer me to a different hospital because I needed to see the perinatologist (yes the same one I saw 3 years back) and try to save this baby.

So after what seemed to be a long hospital ride, I got there, they checked me in right away and waited...for the doctor and for my husband...it seemed like a long wait especially when you have to lay down with your head towards the floor and your feet higher up...it is not comfortable...but soon after, they wheeled me in to his office to see with an ultrasound...soon after my husband came in...

After a long check...the perinatologist does not like to talk while examining...he showed us what was going on with the baby and then told us an action plan...to try to save the baby, first they would have to stop my contractions with meds and then once it stops, on Sunday to have a cerclage put in.

They then wheeled me back into the room I was first in with my husband this time.  At this point, it was a waiting game...I had to stay at the hospital, taking meds every so often to stop these contractions and if everything was okay they would put the cerclage in.  It was emotional for us...not knowing what was going to happen and me thinking the worst would happen...

Well, on Saturday it looked like my contractions had stopped so they were planning ahead with the cerclage...our hopes however were crushed when early Sunday morning they found out that I was leaking and also started contractions again...we could not do the cerclage...so then like the first time, we had to wait...had to wait for the baby to die in my belly and then to deliver her.  She finally passed away on Monday late afternoon on June 28 and delivered her on Tuesday at almost 2am.  It was so painful...both physically but more emotionally...after delivering her, while my husband was sleeping next to me, I spent a lot of time with her...I could not let her go just yet...I wish I could see her again...

Well we spent another 2 days at the hospital and then was told that I could go home...

It has now been 2 1/2 weeks and still in a little bit of physical pain and as I write this, still emotionally painful...

Next steps...well after the pain has gone...I need to get an ultrasound to make sure everything is okay...then when we get pregnant again, I have to get a cerclage done at around 10 weeks or so and also get shots so that I do not contract...this also means that I have to be put on bedrest after the procedure is done until 36 weeks...

Well hope everyone had fun reading (yeah right!), but I wanted to share with everyone what we have gone through...don't worry...future posts will not be as long...

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!